The Cost of Becoming
Self-expression…
it’s something I’ve been wrestling with for a while.
Authenticity, confidence, ego, doubt, uncertainty…
past relationships, present moments…
they all shape how free we feel
to actually be ourselves.
But what does it really mean
to express yourself?
What does that even look like?
What form does it take…
and through what medium?
So often, fear of judgement…
or even the comfort zones
we’ve built within ourselves…
stop us from taking the steps
we actually want to take.
We hold back.
We don’t say the words.
We don’t do the thing.
And as we grow…
from children into adults…
we build identities.
Not just how we look,
but who we are socially.
And in many ways,
that’s necessary.
It helps us connect…
function…
belong.
But somewhere along the way…
that sense of self
can become distorted.
Pulled by expectations…
media…
people…
environments.
We slowly move away
from who we really are,
becoming versions of ourselves
that are easier for others to understand…
or compare themselves to.
Layer by layer…
like an onion…
we build on top of ourselves.
Until one day…
we look in the mirror
and don’t fully recognise
who we’ve become.
Living a life shaped by expectations…
rather than truth.
And then begins
the journey back.
The rediscovery.
The peeling back of layers.
But that journey…
it changes you.
Your identity shifts.
And when that happens…
not everyone will recognise you anymore.
Some relationships fall away.
Some people won’t understand.
And that can be painful.
For me…
I feel that.
I feel the loss of people I loved…
who no longer see me the same way.
Who don’t recognise
who I’m becoming.
But I can’t let that stop me.
Because something deeper
is calling.
Now…
instead of living within expectations…
the world feels more like a playground.
A place to explore…
how I want to express myself.
To try…
to evolve…
to shift.
From the outside,
it might look inconsistent.
But from within…
it feels like truth in motion.
And as I see others
on their own journeys…
I try to meet them
without judgement.
Because when someone chooses themselves…
truly…
they’re not being selfish.
They’re being honest.
Maybe for the first time.
And in witnessing that…
it gives us permission
to do the same.
So despite the loss…
despite the uncertainty…
I move forward.
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