these past few days, the question has surfaced again:
should i call?
what is it i truly want?
is it them, or the idea of them?
what am i really seeking?
connection, closure, comfort,
or something i haven’t yet named?
what is it i expect, and is that expectation even fair?
and then the real question arises:
are these feelings even about them,
or are they about what i’m holding onto inside myself?
every feeling, sadness, joy, longing,
i’ve been choosing for myself.
so do i choose sadness just to feel it?
or do i choose joy,
and finally allow myself to feel free?
i’ve already loved a life time,
but maybe it’s just been the story i’ve kept telling myself.
it's our stories we tell ourselves
that inform our identities after all.
a role i’ve been playing out,
imagining what such a person would be like, and
acting accordingly.
but i don’t need to play that part anymore.
the truth is, all the love i ever felt,
it resides within me.
and i can access it anytime, with the right awareness,
the right practice, the right breath.
why keep telling myself a story that no longer serves me,
that’s causing me pain?
everything, truly everything,
comes back to story.
to the self talk made in private,
to the self talk made public.
to the way i have authored my life for years,
even financially, even emotionally.
everything begins in the mind,
and what starts there becomes the shape of our world.
from story, we build identity.
it anchors us, tells us how to act, who to be,
what someone like us should do in any given moment.
but here’s the truth, the past isn't now.
it was the experience of its time,
so i could learn and navigate,
but it’s not needed anymore.
the past, those memories, those feelings,
they were just lines in a draft.
touchpoints in a learning arc.
but i don’t have to keep writing from that place.
that turmoil in the mind,
it can stop.
without those old stories, without that old identity,
without the grip of ego,
i can meet the present moment as a clean slate.
a fresh breath.
every new day, every inhale, is an invitation
to let go of karma and
move into dharma.
release the shackles of the mind, of ego, of self,
and come home.
to heart.
to presence.
to soul.
to the only response that is ever truly required:
the one that meets this moment.
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